Chapter 21: My heart! It aches! (2)
This was a very strange moment. Chen Mo thought, In one hand I have a gun, which just shot out a fatal bullet. And in my other hand I have a girl, pure and wonderful. Such an innocent girl has probably never thought of death and massacres.
Yet, with his two hands, he linked the two. Abnormal emotions stirred in his heart. It gave him an impatient impulsiveness to suddenly act.
Miao Yuan was dragged away by Chen Mo. He walked so hastily, she could barely catch up to him. But the feeling of Chen Mo tightly grasping her hand in his palm made her feel safe, and so she ran with him. When Chen Mo walked into the dorms, he used one arm to hug her close. His warm breaths fell on her ear.
Chen Mo whispered, “I want to hug you.”
Miao Yuan turned in shock and opened her mouth to speak, but was tongue-tied.
“Is that okay?” He fixed his gaze on her.
Miao Yuan suddenly felt dizzy, and her mind was a slate of white. She stammered, “Ch-Chen Mo, don’t you think this is t-too fast?”
“So it’s not okay?”
Miao Yuan forced herself to stay clear-headed, but her legs grew limp and her chest stirred. His direct gaze seemed like it could swallow her. Miao Yuan weakly nodded. “Okay.”
Chen Mo scooped her up and Miao Yuan nearly screamed from fright. Her arms clung to his neck.
Her soft, warm, quivering body was cradled in his embrace like a dove.
When he got to the door, Chen Mo unlocked it with his keys and kicked it open. Miao Yuan’s feet touched the ground for a brief second before he scooped her up again. He held her in his arms, kissing her again and again, incessantly.
There was no reason behind the kisses, no meaning. It was if there was nothing else to do. Their lips were still cold, which made their mouths seem even hotter. Chen Mo’s tongue glided in nimbly yet resolutely. Their tongues entwined. Miao Yuan couldn’t keep up and struggled to break free, but eventually acquiesced. Even her soul was sucked away.
Many memories flashed, and her lips and tongue felt warm and soft, carrying the smell of chocolate. It was so sweet beyond comparison.
Chen Mo was somehow reminded of his first real combat mission. Firearm smugglers resist more fiercely than normal people. Chen Mo didn’t know if he was lucky or not. He was assigned to be on the fringe of the perimeter, but the smugglers had been broken up, and all tried to escape in his direction.
All at once, he had used up a whole cartridge of sniper bullets. People who return from their first combat mission all have some reaction, one way or another. Some can’t sleep, some vomit, some become irritable. He was the most peaceful one. Zheng Kai asked him what he felt. Chen Mo had told him, “I don’t know. What should I feel like?”
From that moment on, Xia Minglang said that he had an ice-cold heart and a goal-oriented mind, and that he was born to do this.
Thinking back, Chen Mo realized that he really didn’t know. He was always a late bloomer, and he was always a bit slow when it came to his emotions. But even when they flared up, he suppressed them. Because he didn’t know what was the right thing. So the only thing he could do was keep his cool and look onwards as though a bystander. Thus, all these years, no one had asked him, “Chen Mo, aren’t you scared?”
Chen Mo, aren’t you scared?
Someone feels for him, someone doesn’t treat him like a weapon, someone doesn’t take his profession as something he ought to do.
She said, Why don’t I make you something? Then, You’ll definitely get better.
Delicious food, warm hugs. What else could we ask for in life?
The tip of his tongue ran over her lips, winding around her tongue and sucking it. He heard her small whimpering moans.
I really want to eat you whole like this, Chen Mo thought in a muddled state.
Miao Yuan felt unnatural. Her head lacked oxygen, her breathing was rapid, her face was red, and her heart pulsed. When Chen Mo released her, even he felt a little dizzy. He supported himself against the wall with one hand and hugged her with the other.
Her small body quivered. The heater wasn’t on, and the room was so cold it made one stiff. After the heat of the moment subsided, the cold temperatures became even harder to endure. Chen Mo cranked the thermostat to the highest setting. He slid down against the wall until he sat on the floor. Then he removed his coat and wrapped Miao Yuan in it.
Miao Yuan slowly came back to reality. Her eyes were still misty. Tugging on his shirt, she softly called out, “Chen Mo…”
Chen Mo shushed her with a finger to her lips.
Be quiet, don’t speak. Don’t say a word.
Chen Mo wasn’t good at expressing himself. He didn’t know what to say in the moment, so he chose not to speak.
He pressed her head into his chest, bundled the coat around her snuggly, and hugged her tight.
“Be good, let me hug you a while longer,” he said.
Miao Yuan blinked a few times and reached out to hug Chen Mo from underneath the coat.
Chen Mo closed his eyes and a bloody streak surfaced in his mind. I really am getting old. Before, he could forget about that shattered face upon shutting and reopening his eyes. But now, this was the third time that image surfaced. Or perhaps it wasn’t because of age, but rather because he hadn’t shot a gun for over a year and was growing unaccustomed.
Miao Yuan silently leaned against his chest like a quiet, resting cat. Her chest pressed close, and he could feel her heartbeat. It thudded unstopping, full of life. This was a sedentary, lazy little fellow.
The heater slowly did its job, and the room’s temperature slowly rose. Miao Yuan’s face flushed like an abundantly sweet apple.
“Chen Mo?” She restlessly wriggled and lifted her head.
“What is it?” Chen Mo reached around her head and lifted her chin to kiss her. He realized that he really liked doing this sort of thing. And it just so happened that he alone had this privilege and obligation, to which he was very satisfied about.
“Wuu….” Miao Yuan was entangled by him and tried to escape to no avail. Her face was like the pinkish-red clouds of sunset, and her eyes flickered. “Chen Mo, didn’t you, didn’t you say, you…”
“What is it?” Chen Mo used the back of his hand to brush her face. Once he saw that it was dark outside, he realized what she was getting at. “Are you hungry? Want to go out to eat?”
Huh? Miao Yuan stupidly looked at him in shock.
“Y-you, didn’t you say that you…. That you wanted to hug me?” Miao Yuan didn’t know what was going on.
“Haven’t I been hugging you the whole time?” Chen Mo laughed and kissed her nose. “Dumbass, have I lowered your IQ?”
“No…” Miao Yuan said, startled. “Do you really not know, or…”
Oh dear God! Quick, please take me away! Heavens! I’m embarrassed to continue living! Miao Yuan’s face suddenly turned red.
Chen Mo cupped her face and was confused. “What’s wrong with you? Is it too hot?”
Miao Yuan cried in her heart. She buried her head in his chest. Heavens! Earth! How could I make such a mistake? My tears are leaking. This is like a dream, or fantasy. My heart is a chaotic gust of wind!
“What’s wrong? What’s wrong?” Chen Mo slowly stroked her head.
“Nothing!” Miao Yuan said sadly while trying her best to keep a calm demeanor.
“What is it?”
“Nothing, just a misunderstanding.”
“What’s there to misunderstand if I want to hug you?”
Miao Yuan’s eyes darkened. She nimbly changed the topic. “Chen Mo, I’m hungry.”
Sure enough, Chen Mo fell for it. “Okay, what do you want to eat?”
Chen Mo helplessly looked up and said, “Can’t you have some proper aspirations?”3
Miao Yuan became embarrassed. “Actually, I mainly want to drink their Xi’an Choujiu Liquor.4”
Chen Mo looked suspiciously at her.
“Won’t you accompany me and drink with me?” Miao Yuan tried to cast flirtatious looks to entice him.
“No,” Chen Mo replied resolutely.
“Just one sip,” Miao Yuan refused to give up and let go of the topic. “Truthfully, that thing doesn’t have much alcohol.”
“Is it fun to see me pass out?” Chen Mo said, deliberately glaring at her.
Miao Yuan lowered her head and poked her index fingers together. After a long while, she fiercely nodded her head. “Yeah!”
“So it’s like this!” Chen Mo hugged Miao Yuan as they stood up. Seeing her smile, he said “I just won’t let you have your fun.”
Miao Yuan blinked her eyes and spaced out for a good while. H-h-he… Chen Mo, he… He apparently teased me?
Chen Mo returned the gun and brought Miao Yuan out on the hunt for food. In the end, they bought Fanji’s roujiamo. They also ended up being purchasing the choujiu. But Chen Mo still stuck with what he said and didn’t drink any. But of course, they didn’t just stop there. They also drove to Yizhenlou 5to eat stir-fry paomo. Miao Yuan sighed over Chen Mo’s pitless stomach. Chen Mo calmly let out a cough and thought that the quantity he could eat today couldn’t compare with what he could wolf down in the past.
Thus, one side’s silent treatment somehow ended before the other even realized what was going on. Miao Yuan thought back and felt really dumb. She complicated things from nothing. Like a silkworm, she spun silk threads around herself, layer by layer until she spun a cocoon of her own devising. And he didn’t even think anything of it. Truthfully, he didn’t even pay much attention to her little fit.
Miao Yuan hooked Chen Mo’s arm and they walked to one of Xi’an’s small side streets. The street was lined with busy shopfronts on both sides. Through the smell of food and grilled meat, one could feel a simple yet real happiness. Miao Yuan saw people queuing in long lines up ahead and dragged Chen Mo over and take a look. Apparently it was some reputable store selling cured mutton. Miao Yuan suddenly thought of something and bought some for Mi Lu’s pizza. In any case, weren’t bacon and cured meat from the same sort of category? Though it was of no concern to him, Chen Mo still followed her along to waste away time. In reality, Miao Yuan liked to stupidly stand in line with Chen Mo.
Sometimes, we discover that love is truly a wonderous thing. It will slow time or make it flow faster. It will suddenly make people smarter one moment and dumber the next for no reason whatsoever.
Love is a person barging in and treating your heart as though it’s his old house. His every move will send pangs through your heart. From the first time you lay eyes on him, you recognize that you can’t escape.
Whatever he does is special. A word from his mouth is music to your ears, a smile from him is enough to make your whole world bloom, and his averted gaze is enough to suck all the colour from your world.
After Chen Mo returned that night, he retrieved the gun from the gun storage. Closing his eyes in the dark, he disassembled the gun, felt each piece, and slowly assembled it again. The cold touch of metal was exceptionally familiar and calming. It was a completely different from kissing. Kissing was a fire, a mess, an impatience, a greed, a desire that he didn’t know how to fulfill.
Chen Mo was afraid of that side of himself.
He realized how strange it all was. He treated the most dangerous weapon as a source of zen and faced the sweetest girl with a nervous heart.
- Fanji Lazhi Restaurant, or Fanji, is a local chain restaurant in Xi’an that’s famous for their roujiamo.
- Roujiamo is like the Chinese hamburger, with meat and vegetables stuffed in a half-folded, flat steamed bun.
- Fanji isn’t the fanciest restaurant. It’s akin to your boyfriend asking you where you want to eat, and you replying, “McDonalds.” Hence Chen Mo’s reply of “Can’t you have some proper aspirations?”
- Choujiu is an alcohol brewed from glutinous rice. Xi’an Choujiu Liquor is a type of choujiu and can trace its origin to the Shang dynasty, and has over 3,000 years of history.
- Judging by the Google image pictures, Yizhenlou seems to be some small local restaurant. It has pretty good reviews. Other than that, I couldn’t really find any information.